10 Simple Steps to Control Your Emotions… Possessing the ability to control our feelings, and employ them correctly at the right time and place, is a prerequisite for coexistence with society and maintaining our mental health. The chaos of emotions and feelings can negatively affect your personal relationships and your decision-making. According to Vicki Botnik, a psychotherapist in Tarzana, California, any emotion, even bliss, joy, or other feelings that you normally see as positive, can escalate to a point where it is difficult to control.
10 Simple Steps to Control Your Emotions
A study from (2010 AD) indicates that the ability to regulate and tame feelings is not impossible. By persevering in some simple steps and behaviors, anyone can acquire this skill. Here are 10 simple steps to control your emotions:
1. Know the difference between normal and pathological feelings
Intense emotions aren’t all bad. “Emotions make our lives exciting, unique, and vibrant,” says Putnik. “Strong emotions can indicate that we are fully embracing life and that we are not suppressing our natural responses.” It’s totally normal to experience some emotional outbursts sometimes when something great or something terrible happens. However, how do you distinguish between normal and pathological feelings?
Simply by focusing on the emotions that are constantly out of control, which often lead to arguments, physical or emotional outbursts…, and encourage the consumption of stimuli, to identify the problem, assess the impact of your uncontrolled emotions on your daily life.
2. The goal is to regulate feelings, not suppress them
You can’t control your emotions with the press of a button if it were that easy, but imagine for a moment that it’s real, you don’t want to leave the button on all the time and you also don’t want to turn it off completely. When you suppress emotions, you prevent yourself from emptying your feelings and expressing them fully. This can contribute to the emergence of mental illnesses, most notably anxiety, depression, sleep problems, tension, psychological pressure, and substance abuse. When learning to control your emotions, make sure you don’t suppress them.
3. Define how you feel
Spending some quiet time alone can help you check your mood and begin to regain control. Suppose you apply for a job and get rejected even though you have all the qualifications and experience to work for it. Interrupt yourself by asking: How do I feel right now? (Disappointed, confused, angry) What happened to me to feel this way? (I declined without explanation) What do I want to do about these feelings? (Shouting, venting my frustration by throwing things) Is there a better way to deal with it? (I apply for more than one job to increase my chances of being accepted, going for a walk, or running).
By looking at potential alternatives, you are reframing your thoughts, and this can help you modify your first reaction, which is the most important component. It may take some time before this response becomes a habit, but with practice, these steps in your head will become easier and more effective.
4. Accept all your feelings
If you’re trying to get better at managing your emotions, don’t try to curtail them. For example, when you get short of breath before giving an audience speech or start screaming and groaning when you can’t find your keys, it may seem helpful to tell yourself, “Just calm down,” or “It’s not a big deal, don’t get upset, don’t get upset.” “. But this in fact nullifies the opportunity to get rid of pathological negative feelings. Accepting emotions when they come can help you feel better afterward.
Try to treat it neutrally without dividing it into bad and good. For example, try the following self-dialogue: “I am upset because I keep losing my keys, which is making me late. I have to put a plate on the shelf by the door, to always leave them in the same place.” Accepting emotions leads to greater satisfaction with your life while avoiding mental illness. What’s more, people who think of their emotions as beneficial have higher levels of happiness.
5. Keep a diary
Documenting your feelings and the reactions they elicit can help you uncover what’s bothering you. Sometimes it’s enough to track the feelings through a mental map of your thoughts. Writing your feelings down on paper allows you to think about them more deeply and identify ways to manage them more productively. If you keep a journal with you, write down intense feelings when they occur. Try to note the causes and your reaction.
6. Take a deep breath
Deep breaths have a powerful effect, so whether you’re too happy or angry to talk, deep breathing exercises will help you cope and undo the rash reaction. So the next time you feel like your emotions are starting to take over you, just: breath slowly, (the deep breaths come from the diaphragm and not from the chest) hold your breath. Count to three, then exhale slowly. Some people also find it helpful to repeat phrases such as “I am calm” or “I am relaxed.”
7. Know when to express your feelings
There is a time and place for everything, including emotions. Crying uncontrollably is a very normal reaction to losing a loved one, but other situations require some restraint. You live it, knowing when to let go of feelings and when to keep them to yourself.
8. Give yourself some space
This distance may be physical, such as leaving an annoying situation, for example. But you can also create some mental distance by distracting yourself with temporary healthy distractions (walking, watching a funny video, talking to one of your best friends, spending a few minutes with your pet).
9. Try to avoid stress
When you’re under a lot of stress, managing your feelings can become more difficult. Even people who can generally control their emotions well may find it difficult during times of high stress and pressure. Reducing stress, or finding ways to manage it, can help you control your feelings. Here are healthy ways to avoid and manage stress:
- Get enough sleep.
- Make time to talk (and laugh) with friends.
- Playing sports.
- Make time for your hobbies.
10. Keep practicing your emotional regulation skills
The more time and attention you spend in regulating your emotions, the mentally stronger you will become. You’ll gain confidence in your ability to handle the discomfort and make healthy, mood-altering choices.
Last but not least, if you continue to express feelings of illness, it may be time to seek psychological support from a professional. Long-term or persistent emotional distress and mood swings are often associated with some psychiatric conditions, including borderline personality disorder and bipolar disorder, so only a psychiatrist can provide helpful, compassionate, judgment-free support.