How do you speak positively with your children?… My children had been home for at least a week’s summer break, and I was ready to listen to their grumbling about their boredom, to watch their quarrel with their siblings, to notice a little disrespect towards me when I alerted them to the tasks they needed to complete. While I don’t care about their unpleasant behavior, and I know from my twenty years of experience as a mother that yelling or belittling their resolve will not change negative attitudes, but may even make them worse than they seem. So I try to enforce what I know works by communicating positively.
How do you speak positively with your children?
Babies respond well when you communicate tactfully. Because what you say and the tone of your voice indicate how you feel, your child interprets your words and tone of voice as a direct message of your self-worth.
Five tips to help you communicate positively with your children
1. The tone of voice is very important
The tone of voice is as important as the words you use when talking to another person. People and children, especially, are more likely to respond to your request when they hear a gentle voice than when you are swearing at them or being rough and blunt.
Think about it, when your co-worker, your spouse, or even a stranger at the food market wants your attention, do they use a strong tone to talk to you? Or they talk softly to let you know that they need something from you to help them.
For example, when I faced the situation with my teenage son and he totally ignored me when it was time to take out the trash, I interrupted what he was indulging in, stood in front of the TV quietly, and reminded him in a realistic tone of voice (Hey Connor, I’m not sure if you heard me last time, but you need to take the trash out now so your sister can finish the kitchen). If I need to alert you again, the TV will turn off. But I could also rub his shoulders and joke, “As far as I know, trash can’t walk on its own.” With this, I can usually get a chuckle out of him and it helps keep the stress levels low between us.
2. Replace criticism with praise
Your criticism of others can be counterproductive if it is caused by anger or frustration. If you often criticize children, this makes them feel like a failure and can cause them to have low self-esteem and low self-confidence.
So, instead of pointing out the things they don’t do well, use inspiration to encourage them to do them.
For example, if your daughter keeps stumbling mathematically and is still struggling in engineering and chemistry and she may not be allowed to participate in the team in tennis at school as long as you don’t get her grades higher, don’t criticize her for her poor academic outcomes, instead use motivational language To encourage her like (You work hard with your teacher, your grades are really improving, don’t give up, we guide for you).
3. Use likable names and positive labels
Swearing is a terrible way to call a person, especially a child. Recently, I was at a friend’s house when her ten-year-old son ran home after school and threw his backpack on the coffee table and smashed the vase she had inherited from her grandmother, the vase turned to bits. His face that had been excited after finishing school became a terrified face at the incident he had caused.
I ran out of their house as quickly as I could, though I’d be glad to have stayed instead of my girlfriend losing her temper and calling him “Clumsy” or “Stupid.” My favorite things anyway). His face brightened and life came back to him and he was relieved when he learned that his mother was not upset, and this is because she did not underestimate him, especially in front of me.
Eliminate depressing comments like “You’re weak” (You always look back) or “You’re the reason we’re constantly late.” These labels always bring negative results, which is the opposite of what we want to achieve, while positive labels bring positive results and children see themselves as the victors. Replace the depressing label with a positive one like (We promised Grandma we’d be at her house at 5 p.m., so please get your things ready in a quarter of an hour or we’ll leave your gym equipment behind).
4. Be affectionate
When a child hears phrases like “I love you” or “How are things going?” or when your child notices that you have stopped what you are doing when you enter the room and greet her with a loving smile, it means the whole world to the child, although they will never admit it, and it is the same thing It also applies to young people and children. When you show your love and affection to your children and the whole family, you are showing them how important they are to you, and this contributes to delivering the best positive messages you can give them more than ever.
5. Talk positively about your children in their presence
Often after a negative incident, we as parents want to discuss what happened after we get back from work. If your child shares the same place with you, do not engage in any discussion until you are sure that your child cannot hear you. Discussing bad behavior in their presence and while they are listening can lead to the reinforcement of the bad behavior and damage the child’s self-confidence. If you want to discuss a negative incident with your child, leave him alone and keep the discussion about the incident private. At the same point, if you have nothing positive to share, say nothing at all.