Date: 16, April 2009
Time: 1.45 pm
“She’s no more….”
My heart ripped out of my chest. There was a rush of emotions in me; paralyzing my reaction in the process. The receiver fell from my hand as I stumbled to support myself.
An eerie silence enveloped the atmosphere around us. It was almost deafening. People moved about hastily, trying to reach an unknown destination.
“Mom, how much longer do we have to walk?”
“I have a few errands to run so just a while now.”
I held my mother’s hand tightly as I hurried to keep up with her. Looking up and I could see the familiar figure moving swiftly through the crowd as they advanced. A pleasant warm feeling erupted somewhere inside me as it always did at the sight of my mother.
Progressively the crowd became dense and it became difficult to move through it, suddenly it felt as if my mother was moving at a faster pace. Next, everything happened in the blink of an eye. My hand slipped away from hers and I could see her dissolving in the congregation and within seconds she had disappeared, never seen again.
A scream exploded from somewhere. I didn’t recognize it as my own until the stream of tears descended my eyes, surprising me in the process.
Date: 16, April 2009
Time: somewhere in the dead of the night
I woke up startled and the damp pillow caught my attention. I cautiously ran a hand across my face only to find it moist.
The room screamed at my mother’s absence. Dozens of photographs of her scattered around, frozen moments in time. The contagious warm smile illuminating the memorable face, her hair twisted up and casually pinned so that tendrils fell around her face carefully accentuating her features.
I lifted a picture frame from nearby. A stream of warm tears broke free from the brim of my eyes and casually descended the curves of my cheeks. I carefully caressed the image of my mother’s face, as if a more rigorous movement could cause some sort of alteration in the memento.
If only there was some stroke of magic and time could be changed. We could re-live the past again with all the heartwarming moments, a new ending, more joviality, and contentment. If only…….
Time: Did it hold any significance now?
Location: Porch swing
The sun that afternoon was hesitant, slipping in and out of clouds, one moment blinding, and the next completely obscured. No matter how often the weather changed. Inside the climate remained the same; gloomy clouds with ninety percent chances of a shower.
How long does it take to overcome your loss? Does life really go on? Or does it just come to a standstill? Not knowing where to go, what to do. I tried to remember how things were before.
Even though we weren’t a close-knit family, yet we cherished each other’s company. Our house echoed warm laughter when we were all together and occasional cold wars that followed arguments on the most mundane things.
Then one day something shook the very roots of our existence. My mother’s cancer silently eroded her for the last seven years and eventually progressed to the most critical stage. We could only pray that treatment could prove as a cure.
If the news had wiped out colors from our lives then the repeated hospital visits drained us of our energies. I had always seen mother up and about; doing one thing or another. A smile on her face, juggling several errands without any complaints. Seeing her in that room of the hospital was a sight almost unbearable.
Being in the room reminded one of overpowering brightness of eggshell white, faded walls with streaks and a constant off-putting smell of the disinfectant surrounded you, even though it was quite spacious still there was nowhere to get comfortable.
The battle began. We came armed. Ready to claim what was rightfully ours. Our opponent showed us no mercy; he kept us at our feet. We fought tooth and nail for her. We poured our souls into it. It seemed that victory was ours. Mother was getting better, a little fragile though but then again it was not an easy fight. We got ourselves together and put our guards down. Mother was here to stay, what did we have to worry about now?
Once again we found out that our foe never gave up. He was stealthily lurking in the corner, waiting to pounce when he got the chance. He did. This time he never gave us a chance to retaliate. He mocked us as he callously embraced what had once been the center of our lives and took her along. We were helpless, could do nothing more than bid farewell with heavy hearts.
Years later……. Do we wish that things were any different? Every single day.
A cold vast expanse enveloped the earth like a blanket littered with small dots of fire too far away but burning nonetheless. It looked as if the whole sky had come out to celebrate. The stars twinkling overhead like tiny little confetti provided as the perfect roof. Even the moon refused to hide behind the clouds.
Our guest of honor was up there somewhere in the distance, indulging in the eternal slumber. We gathered in the memory of the unconditional love that brought us all together at the end of the day.
Do we really forget someone when he’s not there anymore? No. We learn how to cope with the fact that we tried our best but he had somewhere more magnificent to go. Do we really run out of tears to shed? No. We learn to lock them in the boundaries of our eyes because once they escape we won’t be able to compose ourselves. Do forget to remember the deceased ones? No. We keep them safely in the clandestine parts of our hearts, too scared to lose them all over again. When the memories hurt really badly and we are unable to contain any more, we look up at the sky and say… Come love me again.