I will start by extending my gratitude to whoever is taking their time to read through this information and find it helpful. Thank you. Firstly, let’s start with what everyone has experienced at least.
I want to affirm that everyone has gone through the adolescent stage or At least you’ve developed a liking for someone which later became a crush. You must have felt that first attraction to the person that made you a dummy in front of people. some even have got boyfriends and girlfriends as early as thirteen.
Well my dears, not all of us have experienced a reciprocation of our feelings and a few of us have just ignored the attraction at its onset. For all these, I can finally introduce the subject I want to discuss with you today.
Actually, what is love? Let’s begin with this question that has puzzled the whole world. People have killed, betrayed, and lied because of this feeling. Many dark secrets have been sealed in blood birth because we have failed to understand what love is.
I don’t know everything about this but I will gladly share with you the scanty brief details on the subject. Doing my best, I will satisfactorily try to cover many possible areas that you would want to explore.
what’s the heartbreak?
Love, love love! This feeling that gets you connected to another being. You want to see them happy, doing well, and will possibly do anything to make the other party feel comfortable when they are around you. I don’t want to speak a lot about love because it’s a broad subject that we can tackle another day. Let’s talk about this heartbreak.
Am not referring to your heart shattered into a million pieces or divided into halves because someone has squeezed it or cut it physically with a knife.
Heartbreak is what you feel when you’re betrayed by those you treasure and trust most. when you realize the person you love cannot reciprocate your feelings because of some circumstances. There are many more events that could smash your heart in this situation.
If it was your first love, you may not want to love again because of a bad relationship.
I tell you betrayal is the worst that I never wish anyone to go through that. Since the causes of betrayal are many, I will use my past relationship as an example and tell you how I coped up with it.
I once dated this guy, he was an amazing person anyone could ever meet; at least that was what I thought at first. Being honest, he was from a strong wealthy background. I know people who are quick to judge will be like I had an attraction towards him because of his money And most financially strong men find it hard to believe sometimes that someone can love you for who you are and not what you have. That they can accept all your imperfections and make you their Mr. Perfect.
I am attributing this to the fact that they may have met people who loved them for what they could get from them, with this perspective; I agree.
He was a sweet guy, I tell you. I don’t mean ‘ sweet’ like tasting food and finding it delicious; I mean having someone who cares about you without letting you know. he helped me with academics, taught me basketball, and many more. The list is endless!
The first course of any relationship may take a smooth twist for most of the normal couples I would assume. So just like that, mine was too.
My parents disagreed heavily with me dating him. I was quite pissed off because I knew they didn’t know the real him or were trying to hinder my happiness.
The obvious thinking of an infatuated teenager would be this. I didn’t know that at the time. Good times never last and vice versa. Something will have to test your relationship to see if it lasts. Life will always find a way to teach us.
I remember three months down the road, life stormed like a hurricane.
A rumor circulated that my dear sweet darling boyfriend was seeing someone else. Being the overly trusting girlfriend at the time, I paid no heed to the gossip. After all, that was loose talk and nothing had yet been exposed. I didn’t bother inquiring or asking for any clarifications because I didn’t want to be the needy insecure girl here.
I had heard from my sister that was a huge turn off for men.
It’s funny though how I ended up learning that our relationship was a bet all along that he had made with his friends and the girl he was crazily in love with was my best friend.
That was a blasting blow to my side. People who believe in fate will at once say that we were not meant to be and maybe they were right.
That time I felt hurt, disappointed, and betrayed. I just couldn’t process it that he would decide to date my best friend!
It’s funny how I put on the tough face and pretended that I was stronger on the outside when actually I was weak.
I had a habit of expelling people from my world because that was my defense mechanism of not getting hurt.
Let’s say I wouldn’t have felt bitter if my bestie had refused his invitation to become his girlfriend. But opposite to that, she readily agreed like a toddler going to the amusement park for the first time.
Many things happened and I tell you to this date, it hurts me that we don’t talk.
I wanted to clear the mist between us and let the daggers die but things were different. She thought I was acting nice because I wanted to steal her boyfriend.
Leaving that aside, the trauma of heartbreak is worse when the people close to you decide to judge you and use phrases like, ” I told you so” instead of supporting you and being your stronghold.
It would leave a wound so deep that can take ages to heal. That’s why my sister used to say that the people who need love the most, were the hardest to love.
They will think you’re too good to be true! You’re masking something and soon or later you could be on your way to shatter them.
I won’t lie, I’ve felt like that before. That one bad relationship built walls around me not to get into contact with anyone else.
Everything in my power I did, to block anyone who wanted to get close to my heart and know why I was the way I was.
It became difficult for me to open up about my emotions and feelings because I dared not show my weak side.
I avoided someone using my kindness for my weakness as Rihanna said in one of her songs.
I even kept my sister’s words re-echoing in my head. We had been joking about losing weight and she said something that’s up to date etched deeply in my mind.
Losing weight is as easy as dating the wrong guy!
That was the statement. It sounded cliche at the time but as days went on it made sense.
Some of you have done or have seen people do what I did.
I can tell you it took me thirty-six months to get rid of the wound that he left. It would have been faster if only I had let go earlier when I first heard the news.
The pain you feel after breaking up is not because you love someone so much, it’s because you think their happiness lies with you and that makes you unable to let go.
Letting go of someone you love hurts more than any bombing situation that you ever will meet in the circus of love.
I have skipped details of my relationship because I don’t like dwelling in the past so I want you to do the same. Let’s now start looking at the few things that helped me get over it.
7 advice on how to overcome heartbreak:-
1. Forgive me
This was the first thing I did. Our life is made up of the daily choices we make every day. If you choose wrongly, the outcomes are definitely not good so we have to choose wisely. I had to learn to accept my imperfections and leave with them because that’s who I was.
I wasn’t going to change my personality just to meet someone’s expectations because I would be cheating myself.
So I decided to forgive myself for my mistakes and promised to learn from them.
2. Forgive those who hurt me
No matter how it hurts, I had to forgive my best friend and ex. I doubt if they felt any remorse for the turnout of events, but am certainly sure ]they knew what they did.
Forgiving them was the best option to heal me as the wound which was deep would start healing slowly.
I didn’t say it would be easy, but I took one step at a time. Honey, don’t rush it. Remember I said it took me three good years to forget what happened and heal completely.
So take your time!
3. Keep yourself busy
The time we broke up wasn’t the best as we were a month to the final national examinations at the ordinary level.
I couldn’t let my broken relationship stand in the way of my future. If that did happen, I would be disappointed in myself for the rest of my life.
I had to do what I had never done before to achieve what I had never attained.
I decided to crowd and fatigue my thoughts with academic knowledge.
It quite helped me not to think about my recent break up with the Romeo prince charming of the school. It actually may be an infatuation, not love.
So keeping yourself busy with something, can take your mind off those terrible thoughts.
4. Reconcile with loved ones
There had to be peace in my heart to reduce the tension between me and my parents. I realized they had been right from the start and would never wish anything bad to come my way.
Unfortunately, this was too late for me at the time as I had not hearkened to their warning.
My friend, if your guardian or parent forbids you something, they do it out of love.
Those who know my parents know that they are overly strict on us because we’re only girls.
No parent is happy when something bad happens to their children especially fathers who dote on their daughters just as mothers do to their sons.
Calming the tempest improved the relationship between me and my parents that the tension soon drifted away. So I urge you to listen to their advice despite their age.
Teens of these days have a habit of neglecting their parent’s instructions simply because they think the old folks are outdated and not fully aware of the happenings of the current generation.
Here dear, be sincere as you speak out your heart and feelings during the reconciliation, it will benefit you.
4. Keep a journal
I must say diary keeping is not the best idea if you’re surrounded by nosy people who want to know even the minor details in your life.
But its effect is remarkable!
It will be hard to open up to someone especially because you don’t easily trust anyone no matter how good they treat you or eager to even carry some crosses for you.
If you still have this problem but need to release all the bottled up emotions, I advise that you keep a diary.
Make it your personal best friend that you feel safe to talk to them and can trust them.
Pour out your heart without omitting any details.
You’ll be surprised by the progress it will help you make.
5. don’t Dwell in the past
We certainly have a present and a bright future to plan for. Let’s keep that in mind.
Dwelling in the past will break you as it will constantly remind you of the mistakes you did that never will you change.
Only when you focus your mind on how you want your future life to be and how you can change it without repeating the same mistakes will make you leave the tragic past.
It doesn’t matter what you did back then that defines who you are but rather what you’re doing right now that makes you.
Don’t waste the chance but grab the opportunity and see the clear sky after the tunnel.
6. Let go
This should have been my first point but for some reason, it’s one of the last ones here.
The wound will heal but the scar will always be there. When you learn to let go will you have some peace of mind?
If life takes away someone you never in your wildest dreams think that would ever leave, it could replace them with someone else you had never dreamed of having. And give yourself time to heal before embarking on another adventure.
Right now you may have a hard time letting go of that person you think is meant for you, dear sweetheart, you may be missing out on the chance of getting something better.
I did not believe in this until during my vacation I confirmed it. We are not dating because am taking my time to learn and study him which I didn’t do in the past but I believe something better is on its way.
When you spend time gazing at the closed door, you may miss out on the blessings awaiting you from the open door, so let go, darling.
7. Talk to a counselor
If you feel nobody understands you, this is my last piece of advice. Maybe it can help.
Professional counseling could help.
There are many more views dear that could help. If you need someone who understands what you went through to talk to and available.
I salute you all and thank you for supporting me.
I bless you with happiness.
Good day folks!