Some precious children genuinely want the world at their dear feet. To feel passionately loved and be dearly loved by a noble family and dear friends. To be free, free to stand up and naturally say I’m worth it. Yet when children feel unloved, they bear with the pain. I heard it was hard to be a parent. Maybe you undoubtedly say I genuinely loved you, you ask sympathetically if you love me why you do such terrible things to me. At first, when a child goes out into the world, it looks so scary. Children didn’t like the grass or the trees oh yes that’s new to them but soon enough the child admires the trees.
Until the trees are friends who are familiar faces to them. Friends can turn into enemies and when enemies are gone until the point there alone. Loneliness can be pleasant for the mind and the soul. But there is a difference between peaceful loneliness and the pain of being lonely.
The void of despair, sorrow, and darkness, the cries, and the pain of a wounded soul and mind. All children should not suffer from loneliness or that void of darkness. Even the melancholy feeling of being abused as a child. A child should not live with darkness and insecurities and keep on doubting themselves. A child should never experience fears of being abandoned, alone, or even unloved, unloved until the point they turn ruthless. Some children feel that the world has given up on them just to turn there back on her or him. But in their eyes, the world is their wickedest enemy. They consume rage and anger even unforgiving. Forgiving is not through words but actions forgetting is under no circumstances.
When people get mad, they throw up what they did. Even if you say “I’m sorry” today or tomorrow will this person forgive you or would they call you names such as pathetic or say I hate you. Forgiving is hard for a person but for a person that has been mistreated and used it’s even harder. When a child is mistreated at a young age, can others see their hurt in their eyes? Can the world see the act that they put on the act that they hide behind? The act of happiness is the mask that they put on. Do you see the fakeness in their eyes? Of course, their smiles are fake you can see can’t you see they’re not genuine.
Can’t you see the fakeness consuming them until all you see is their smiles? Because all they know is how to smile. Maybe you would never see all the tears that are held back, but the hurt is still there.
But day by day they grow more bitter and the pain and sadness take over your heart. But your mind says a smile acts like you are happy but don’t act like a fake person. Don’t act so bitter the way you are, act like you are listening. Just act as you care about others and also act as nothing has happened to you, appear before others as happy as you can be, act like you’re fine too, you’re faking that you’re happy and good. But you already know you are unhappy, of course, you are ashamed of what happened to you. Others just don’t know what you’ve been through, But there you sit and listen to everyone else’s problems. Yet you’re being secretly angry and no one suspects you.
Then thoughts suddenly filled your head, wow your life is better than mine. Why are you always complaining about your problems? You know how sick and tired I am of hearing your crying. But yet you are a good person so you sit there and listen and agree. In the long run, you still don’t feel good about yourself, you still feel the sadness and fakeness. Then you question yourself “would a good person be bitterly jealous?”.
But would a good person sit there and just listen to all your crap or give a shit what you have to say? To be honest, we all have better things to do than listening to somebody talk shit but no you are a considerate person aren’t you? As the years go on you still fear what happened to you in the past. Maybe it’s just the shame, maybe that’s why you are hiding from everyone from others because you want to protect yourself.
You are avoiding others because you want to protect others in the process isn’t that right, but are you hurting yourself all over again. You fear what people think of you, to be honest, I am not ready to open up about my dark past. We are not ready to show tears and the cries that we wanted to be heard. Can you remember or remember how much, how badly you wanted to cry your eyes out and nobody was there for you to go when cry? Remember the days you used to cry alone, and what about all the days, when you wanted to die, can I ask what stopped you was it that you wanted to believe days get brighter or were it the people you care about?
How about the logic but would you still do it if you were alone again without anyone to patch up your wounds. Maybe if someone wasn’t there every time, you would fail or fall maybe you still do it.
What would those people without faces say at your grave? But why would someone forget about you if they care passionately about you, We think maybe in one or two typical years they will instantly forget about you? Even family members that didn’t care about you or so-called love. Would move on with their precious life and undoubtedly say “they’re better off dead anyway,” saying that without a care in the world. Would life be easier if you could go back in time to the pastor to tell your younger self but would you? Would you say please tell someone about your troubles or worries? Do not hide your feelings.
Would you say please forgive that person that harmed you? Would you cry with him or her? Would you look at your younger self and see all the fears and darkness in their eyes, can you see how tired they are? How scared they were, to see the hurt they were in? The state they were in? To see the bitterness grew day by day to rewatch the sadness all the tears that you shed. How you used to cry every night, remembers those restless nights. To see the innocents that were taken away again and again. Up again at three in the morning just feeling regretful and the tears you will never want others to see.
To see how lost you were walking around looking for love or was it to be loved. Now you look back in those years you still bear with the pain of your childhood. Do you want to see how weak you are? Do you want to see how we crumb before others? Willing to do anything to please others and for people that you care about the most. To see how one person made you broken to see how you broke and shake in fear. If you could go back in time, would you change your destiny? Interestingly I know you would make those people feel all the hurt that you’ve been through. Then you think that’s not right you wouldn’t make the person that broke you the most feel the pain you went through.
If you can change your past completely would you maybe figure you won’t be so bitter? Would we be finally happy with our lives and not so depressed? Maybe you won’t act so fake like you care or maybe you won’t put on the mask again. Think of how tired you are of keeping up the act of happiness. Maybe you can show true emotions and not be scared of sadness. Just as you think about this, you can act like nothing bad happens in your life. You can go on with your life and be normal just as you want. You don’t have to be acting anymore but aren’t you glad you’ve been through a lot, been knocked down so many times.
The mistreatment just made you strong because you were dealing with your problems by yourself and for the wounds and the scars that have been made mentally and physically we survive because we are strong. If you get caught laughing at dying or somebody killing themselves everyone looks at you like you are crazy. If you say “nothing matters in this world” but what if you say something twisted or dark they will ask “are you okay.” Then there you are putting on that act again called happiness. Happiness is a feeling of hope so in a sense you are hoping to be happy. If you frown once people ask are you okay? Yet you say yes I’m okay but am you tired of I’m okay.
But you know you are saying that out of pressure because you want to reassure people and think you, okay but you not and believe you okay. At times you want to break down crying but emotions are useless. Yet the broken ones think they’re weak but we are scared to get hurt again. The hurt of others letting us down, scared of feeling sadness and fear of the same thing happening again. So we act happily and nobody suspects us we laugh to make sure that you believe the fakeness we are hiding. But we are never that happy as we seem to make sure everyone else is okay. So we won’t be frown upon or pity by others.
To hide the fact, you are depressed to hide your real emotions. To hide the fact that you are broken oh yes not everything is as it seems. Maybe you used to think I’m okay but okay is just to keep you sane. The people that seem sane are the ones that ask “are you okay” people that are sane ask “do you want a therapy session? Those types of questions make you want to say the same thing. Only people have their views on you. Only the world can judge you but while others judge you and have their perspective of you they will call you such things as pretty or ugly, smart, dumb, etc.
Do you judge others, what’s your perspective of others. You know what the real virus, the real disease being judgmental and the fear others have. The fear of dying any day now before this infectious virus, this disease people by heart were greedy now sticking together. Funny isn’t it at first they were being selfish I genuinely think this is a good lesson for all. This is how the story beings.